“So there’s this video game where Queen Victoria takes the British Empire into space and you travel around it on a steam engine that flies through the sky. Except in this story Victoria also turned Tsarevitch Alexis Romanov into a star to cure him of his haemophilia, and he’s attended to by a big flock of eldritch beings who look like Mary Poppins, and wait, hang on a minute, come back” —
on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport the first person on the moon went there by accident and promptly died. The next dozen or so people also went by accident, and also died. Number 14 figured out that people who go to the moon die and very cleverly brought a sword and six weeks of travel rations. This did not help.
No one on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport ever figured out why people die in space because they don’t need airplanes and never found it particularly interesting to climb tall mountains. Astronomers use telescopes to take pictures of the ever-growing pile of corpses on the moon.
“why don’t they teleport back” because they’re not on the planet where everyone can teleport anymore. try to keep up dumbass
